Trysting Fields

Stuff I Did This Year

- Lived a first full year in Melbourne, having migrated from my native Canberra in November 2004.

- Endured one month at Melbourne Uni before melting down and dropping out to become a fulltime disumbrationist, weblog administrator and Neurocam operative, amongst other things.

- Gave away approximately 1180 hours of my life to various people I don't know and couldn't give a shit about in exchange for money.

- Kept two blogs, totalling some 56,800 words:

• one exclusively about Neurocam, from January to May (21,000 words);
• this one, initiated in March (35,800 words).

Wrote 747,100 words of email to approximately 80 recipients.

Acquired my first domain name.

Started taking digital photos, saving 1178 (of which I uploaded 280 to Flickr. 80 of these, I discover to my disappointment, are no longer indexed - although they're still there).

Qualified for my Ls and spent about 40 hours learning to drive.

Spent approximately 150 hours at the gym.

Created six semiautonomous people, of whom one remains alive, and five of whom are dead - including Henry Gagblat and the deeply unfortunate Ms. Gethsemane Nash, both of whom committed suicide (losers).

Had considerable dealings with the organisation known to the public as Neurocam International.

Read an astonishingly pitiful four books from beginning to end, and watched 46 movies (18 at the cinema and 28 on video & DVD).

Amongst other things.

Well, *shrugs*, I Got Out Of Mine

or

2005: Year of the Neurocam

The mysterious organisation known as Neurocam has been a significant force in my life this year. To what ultimate end, I'm still not entirely sure. And if I were, I sincerely doubt I'd be in any position to tell you.

But so much has happened, and I could hardly let the year's end pass without giving it some full circle.

I applied to join Neurocam on the 19th of December last year, did my initial Perception Assessment on January 3rd, and became an Operative on January 14th.

I started my original Neuroblog on the 20th of January.

And the rest, as they say, etcetera.

There have been tears; there has been laughter (not a little of it evil).

Some day the whole sordid story will be told. But not today.

Some of the reportable highlights included:

• Assignment NCI-7061 (Bolte Bridge) in February.
• Assignment NTC-5781/01 (Chess) in April.
• Assignment MIA-0009/05 (Induction) in May.
• Burning The Magus in July.

Having finally read every bromidic accursed goddamn page.

(Although it was really just an excuse to use my sister's temporarily-vacant house to host a dinner party, the burning of The Magus marked a pivotal point in my relationship with Neurocam.

John Fowles died four months later. Complete coincidence.)

• The (unofficial) Neurocouncil later that month.
• Meeting Mr Robert Henley in August.

Quite the experience. I'd tell you all about it, but then I'd have to trace your IP and kill you.

Oh, yeah - the virtual (and not-so-virtual) menagerie of freaks unique and wonderful individuals I've encountered via the Neurosphere probably warrant some mention as well.

I know I've been a bit aloof lately (things. have been. crazy.), but I cherish and treasure you all, you freaks. *wipes tear*

It's been fun. One cannot complain.

I'm Looking For, Like, Three Paragraphs

Three clean, elegantly turned paragraphs, which will with effortless grace and flawless succinctity pull together the various threads of my zany year and tie them up in a perfect bow, sealed with a loving kiss to you, the dearly beloved - if, of late, tragically neglected - reader of this here, my blog.

Have you seen them?

I've seen the perfect bow. I had a vision of it last night, on Acland Street. It was so pretty.

I thought: "That was 2005."

And you know, I smiled.

But I can't find my three paragraphs.

Oh well.

We commenced back in late March with lots of angsty backstory and a minor manifesto.

It all seems quite charming to me now. I feel like a different person living in a different world these days. And it's good.

But insofar as I can still see where that guy was coming from, I think he would have been pretty happy with how the year came out. And so am I.

I've been very frustrated and uncertain about a number of things lately, but I can see the way forward now, I believe.

So - a happy new year to you all!

I hope that you're having a good one.

I'm just kicking back in the cupboard.

My neighbor Cameron came round with large quantities of cider. He is watching the festivities on television.

But I am not quite finished yet.

What I Got For Christmas

(Amongst other things.)

Books

Cards & chocolate

A bird-headed staff from Marakesh

A poinsettia

A Swiss Army knife (no, I don't know either - but it might come in handy, who can say)

Wedding (finally)

Welcome back. Things have been crazy.

So, my sister's much-anticipated wedding finally happened on Saturday the 17th. The whole family came to town. It was pretty full on. The event was roundly deemed a success.

A substantial number of pictures were taken.

Friday

Hangin with the fam

Tooling the cake

Surveying the site

Emergency clothes shopping

Beers with the visiting Bentendo at Bar With No Name (favoured haunt of Neurocam renegades Iocus Severus and Nikolay Kamchatka)

Saturday

Everyone applauded after the ceremony, which I found slighly strange but maybe that's just me

Lunch was a picnicky affair

Although some people weren't down with that (which, y'know, is cool)

Sammy was quite intimidated by the whole thing initially

But he got over it

Despite persistent fears of rain, in the end it only spat slightly for a brief period during the speeches

Lawn games were played

It was all pretty good

Sunday

Post-nuptial brunchery at Retro on Brunswick Street

Beers with baby sis. We also went and saw Good Night, & Good Luck at the Kino Dendy, because I always do everything Lady J tells me to

Stay Tuned...

In Other News: Marty & Jess Split!!

In all the excitement I almost missed the real story of the day.

Every Few Years JJJ Playlists Something I Like

I can't stop listening to this. (Info, original link here.)

From: Trysting Fields Central Communications
To: Bentendo
Date: 13 December 2005 9:50:46 PM
Subject: Re: I have a new personal blog

On 13/12/2005, at 5:19 PM, Bentendo wrote:

>hey,
>
>hows it going,

Ah aight. I had all this cleaning I wanted to do and I've only done the kitchen so far. And it's really bugging me.

Also what will I wear to the wedding? I've just got nothing at all to wear. It's really bugging me also.

I'm okay. Destruction continues apace.

>so i'm doing this blog thing but i'm really not sure what to do,
>it seems really impersonal, like um i cant really explain, but
>i'm finding very hard to write anything particularly good on the
>thing.
>
>tips? help?
>
>i'm not after feedback or anything, just maybe something i dunno

Hmm.

Having a theme helps.

Also a bit of an audience to give you feedback.

I've found the best blogs (apart from ones that started from an absolutely shit hot idea to begin with) are the ones that have evolved their own style by trial and error over time. Just keep posting shit and see what sticks, kind of thing.

I started my old one in January entirely for the purposes of documenting my involvement in Neurocam, as was the style at the time. I just wrote about Neurocam to all the other Neurocam people. That was pretty straightforward. But eventually I got frustrated because other things kept creeping in that I wanted to write about. So eventually I started my other blog and just wrote what I wanted and was happy.

You get into a habit of thinking "oh, that would be a good thing to put in the blog" and soon enough ideas start occurring to you all the time. Many of those ideas will probably be crap, but there you go.

Library Punk Is Dead

He's post-punk now, doncha know. And he's moving to Melbourne!!! Smart.

More to the point, he now has a blog, which promises to develop into a prime source of quality rantage which will help keep us all amused as the twilight era of late stage western capitalism skids merrily towards its inevitable cataclysmic meltdown.

It's good! I would definitely check it out if I were you.

December 2005: The Carnage Continues

(re-reading last post)

Woo, we're grumpy at the moment.

And our grammar has gone to hell.

This is the price we pay for being on a (scheduled) rampage of DESTRUCTION.

You Know What I Hate?

People who behave in ways which create the impression they think you - that's the generic 'you', not you personally - are an idiot, but who are too pissweak to tell you so explicitly to your face, causing unnecessary paranoia.

These people can die. Any of you reading this: you can die. Don't come here anymore. Understood? Good.

This whole being-nice-to-people-you-don't-like thing is just bullshit. I get so fed up with it. I have been guilty myself on occasion of course, but only when social convention dictated that I really didn't have a choice. (Or because I wanted something out of the person. Which is allowed.)

Poverty Bites

(A Whinge)

My iPod is broken again. It won't play when I press play and it keeps hanging. Worse, this time it was definitely my fault. (I dropped it last week, and then it got a bit wet on Friday.) So I'll have to pay. Which means it probably won't be getting fixed for a wee while.

No iPod makes Homer something something.

Meanwhile, I still need a new keyboard. And I owe the #$@& tax office $60. And look, my chronic fare evasion finally caught up with me:

$154. Ouch. That's this wayward commuter told.

I will be too poor to acknowledge Christmas at this rate. No cards for anyone! I can't be having with such festive frivolities.

Prospective wealthy benefactors: we should talk.

SOYBEAN

is b a c k.

As is Rorschach.

Tript has another new blog.

Li has been on a posting binge of unprecedented proportions.

And the artist formerly known as Operative Hawthorne is still Neuroscooping us all.

Who said the Cam community had become a foetid cesspool?

I Shall Be Sending Christmas Cards Shortly

If you think you might be eligible for one, mail me your meatworld address, and I will decide if you are good enough.

These people are making a billion-to-one scale model of the solar system

along 6km of the St Kilda Foreshore.

I'm just surprised no one thought of doing it sooner.

It's Still Raining

It isn't really that evident from the pic unfortunately - but I'm so fucking wet right now.

[obligatory smutty quip goes here]

I've been dodging downpours all day. Then I just sort of gave up.

It was good! I had a minor epiphany.

Today Was A Strange Day

I did nothing at all today. Like, almost literally nothing at all.

I worked for four hours in the morning like I do every weekday morning. Then I came home and just sort of.. thought about things.

Actually that's not true. I didn't think about anything, very much. I was just kind of blank and empty. All day long. It was not at all unpleasant. It was cleansing and nice.

I answered a little bit of email. In the early evening I went for a walk. Didn't even notice I'd decided to do so until I was halfway up Acland Street. It was a perfect first-evening-of-summer. Lots of people out. Market stalls, for some reason. I looked at them for a bit then I went down to the beach.

Sat on the pier. Looked at the water and the sky. Felt empty. Felt very depersonalized, like I wasn't really there. Or at least, the person who was there wasn't me. I was just observing this boy staring out to sea in the third person.

Where am I? I'm in such a funny place right now. I feel very happy about a lot of things, very sad about others. In some ways I feel really burned out and dissolute but in a totally different - and infinitely better - way than I did at this time last year. This sense of dissolution has a healthy quality. It feels substantial. If that's not a contradiction. I feel satisfyingly exhausted and drained. And I feel.. like I'm a going concern, y'know? Not just an empty shell.

This year has been like running a marathon. It was always going to be. I'm pleased I made it to the end. It was touch and go there for a while. And I'm pleased with where I've ended up. Although it isn't where I expected. Wherever that was.

I've learned things this year which have changed all of the rules. So it's hard to make comparisons with the past. And that's frustrating me.

I can't write for shit right now, either, and that's frustrating me even more. Too many late nights and early starts. Too much indulgence. Too much everything. Too much, too much, too much.

I wish I could describe how it is.

Doing so would involve going to a number of places I can't go in this context, for various reasons.

But more fundamentally, all of the useable metaphors I can think of (so many of them) contradict each other and none of them really cut it.

Must.. express... self..

Gnrrnrnr..

Something's going on here. I feel like I'm pregnant. Not sure what with exactly. It might be something amazing. It might be something horrendous. It might be amazingly horrendous. It might be beautiful. It might be nothing. I don't know. We'll find out soon enough. Once I've finished destroying everything.

I'm going to read this tomorrow and want to take it down, but I won't.